are you my moms?

the musings of yet another lesbian couple on the journey of mother(s)hood

The Final Countdown…Part 2 August 10, 2012

Filed under: 3rd Trimester,Uncategorized — areyoumymoms @ 1:42 pm
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15 days before our due date, I declared that we were in the midst of The Final Countdown.


So it has now been 5 days since our due date.  I know that most first babies are late, but I had really hoped to beat the odds.  Oh well.  I’ve been to the doctor twice this week and we’ve determined that if I don’t go into labor naturally before then, I’ll go to the hospital Monday evening for an induction on Tuesday.  If by mid-afternoon on Tuesday we don’t have a baby, they’ll do a c-section.  Birth plan, schmirth plan.

I’ve been surprised at the number of women who have opinions on induction, and have been grateful to hear all of them so that we can make an informed decision.  At first it didn’t occur to me that I would have any resistance to being induced, but the more I read and heard, the more concerned I got.  I wasn’t thrilled to read that pitocin can make contractions more intense, nor that it would confine me to the bed.  It’s not that I want to complete a triathlon while in labor; I just want to be able to walk around, use a birthing ball, get in the shower, etc., to help manage the pain.  Staying in the bed will undoubtedly make things a little more difficult and will probably increase the odds that I’ll have some kind of pain meds or an epidural.  After yesterday’s appointment with our favorite doctor and some time on the fetal monitor, we got a lot of our questions answered and I’m a little more comfortable with the process.  Having said that, I’m still doing all I can to prompt a natural labor before then.

Today marks my second day of maternity leave.  My work family has been extraordinarily supportive throughout the last 9 months.  They’ve known MKL and me for a decade or more and are as excited as we are to welcome this baby.  While I love them all a lot, I’m ready to take one colleague’s advice and rest for awhile before our lives change forever.  And that’s why the drive home from work on Wednesday caught me so by surprise: I cried the whole way home.  Hormones?  Surely.  But there was definitely more to it than that.  By later than evening I had figured out what the problem was.  I know I’m really good at my job – it’s a bit of a security blanket for me.  I’ve been there for 13 years and am usually confident that I can solve any problem or answer any question that comes my way.  As I drove home, I realized that I’m about to step into a whole new job.  For 3 months (uh…18 years) I’ll be completely out of my comfort zone.  What if I’m not good at this job?  I can’t put a baby in a spreadsheet, or sell it on breastfeeding with a powerpoint presentation.  And it hit me that I’m nervous and scared.  Still excited, still unreasonably in love with this child I haven’t met yet.  But scared out of my mind.

Scared or not, this baby’s coming soon.  If not before then, our little monkey will be here in 4 days.  I’ve found that if I focus on that day instead of what happens when we’re home and my new job as a mother begins, the fear goes away and I’m just excited and happy.  And ready.  Hear that, baby?  We’re ready…COME OUT ALREADY!!!


The Zen of Eggplant and Tesla August 5, 2012

Filed under: 3rd Trimester,Pregnancy — areyoumymoms @ 4:23 pm
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Well today’s the day.  Ok, probably not.  But according to the calendar today is 40 weeks to the day of our last insemination and thus, our due date.  We’re beyond ready, which is probably why this baby seems to be taking his/her time coming out to greet the world.  Surely if we still hadn’t bought a crib or already installed the car seat, the baby would’ve come three weeks early.  Alas, we’re planners, and seem to be as ready as anyone can be to welcome a newborn into our lives.  So here we sit and wait.

In the last few days we’ve done our homework, and have decided to try anything we can to bring on labor.  I’ve been taking walks around the neighborhood (if my lumbering waddle can qualify as a walk), sitting and rolling around on an exercise ball, and squatting and stretching as much as I can.  I’ve had spicy food, a glass of red wine and orgasms (not all at the same time).  I draw the line at castor oil.  I’d rather be pregnant for another week or two than drink that.

Looks low-cal, huh?

Last night we opted for local folklore.  There’s an old school italian restaurant just north of Atlanta called Scalini’s that swears their eggplant parmigiana will induce labor inside of 48 hours.  Allegedly several thousand women have given birth within a few days of eating it and as a result they seat 5-10 pregnant women for each dinner service; I was the 4th last night at only 6:30.  One woman’s water even broke in the parking lot on her way to the car.  They’re so sure the little magic potion will work that if you eat there and give birth within the next 2 days, you can come back for a $25 voucher, baby t-shirt and a spot on their Eggplant Baby wall.  So I did it – I don’t care about the voucher or t-shirt, and I’m pretty sure our baby’s first claim to fame doesn’t need to be on the dark walls of a 30-year-old restaurant – I just want to get this party started.  I’m not a fan of eggplant in general, but I have to admit it was awfully tasty.  The key to their success is most likely that the fat content in the dish raises your blood pressure in such a way that your body is forced to expel all large objects – like babies.  Either that, or MKL is right and they put pitocin in the marinara.

No matter the secret, it hasn’t worked so far.  I really didn’t expect it to, but I’m kind of a skeptic when it comes to things like this.  Not so with my wife.  She has taken any out-of-the-ordinary news we’ve heard in the past 24 hours as a sign that the baby’s on its way.  Her dad shot a 75 yesterday on the golf course.  Great score – must mean there’s a baby coming soon.  Our bff’s mother won money in a scratch-off lottery ticket – that’s good luck for a delivery this weekend.  For months, our dog has been parading around the house with a bone in her mouth, just showing off.  This morning, without warning she started to eat it.  So of course she’s just trying to make sure it’s gone before the baby gets here…today.  No line at Publix?  It’s a great sign.  Call me a child of the 80’s, but I can’t stop singing Tesla.

Everyone has an idea of when I’ll go into labor.  MKL’s mother thinks she’ll get a phone call tomorrow morning at 10:15; my mother just says, “late…after your due date,” a friend of a friend has even said “something will happen” tonight between 6:00-7:00.  MKL has made 2 guesses, both of which were wrong, so now she just breathes deeply – and loudly – as if she can either sigh or not breathe at all.  As I told a friend earlier, I’ve given up on making predictions, mostly because I detest being wrong.  So until the baby comes, we’ll just continue to talk to my belly.  We’ll just keep telling the monkey, “You’re so special.  We can’t wait to meet you.  Everyone’s ready to see you.  Come on out already!”  And we’ll just keep looking for signs.  Hmph.  I finished this post exactly on the hour.  Pretty sure that means we’re going to have a baby today.

Signs, signs, everywhere there’s signs.


(The Two-Week) Waiting is the Hardest Part July 25, 2012

Filed under: 3rd Trimester,Pregnancy,Two-week wait — areyoumymoms @ 1:46 pm
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I’ve had a lot of time lately to sit and reflect back on the last year.  After all, it hasn’t even been a year since our first insemination attempt.  Let me start by thanking God for that.  Publicly.  And let me also tell all of you who are still ttc to hang in there.  It will happen for you, and it will be a glorious ride.

Now that I’ve reminded myself of how grateful I am to be pregnant, here comes my rant of the day: this 2ww is worse than any other we experienced while ttc.  I know, I know…shut up, pregnant girl…you’re so lucky.  But really, once you’re in this boat (and you will be if you want to be!!), you will understand exactly where I’m coming from and you’ll look back and apologize for all the nasty names you just called me.  You see, the last 2 weeks of pregnancy are agony.  With every contraction, every movement of the belly, every weird twinge or pain south of the border, I’m absolutely convinced labor is starting.  And guess what?  It’s not!  So just like last August, September, October, and November, I’m keenly in tune with my body, and waiting for any sign that the baby’s coming.  And just like those months that told me any symptom of the hormones were actually pregnancy symptoms, every pregnancy symptom now seems to signal labor.  It’s the dreaded 2ww all over again.  And just like those other 2ww’s, there’s nothing in the world that would be enough to distract me.  People at work keep asking why I’m not relaxing at home.  Uh…because I can’t sleep, let alone relax, and there’s nothing left to do but look at the completed nursery, hoping and praying there will be a baby in it soon.

It doesn’t help that I’m one of 4 pregnant women in my immediate stratosphere who were/are due within a few weeks of one another.  The first had her baby about 2 weeks ago, 4 days shy of her due date.  Number 2 came yesterday, right on time (at 10+ lbs…God bless that sweet girl and what I’d imagine are her very sore lady-parts!!).  And the 3rd will be induced Monday, 6 days early.  Not that it’s a race or a competition, but I’m most definitely bringing up the rear (in more ways than one, if you’ve seen my ass lately…). 

This week’s check-up let us know that the baby will be an estimated 8.5 lbs.  Hmph.  Not really sure how to feel about that.  I’m a tall girl, the donor’s tall, and I come from tall stock.  So I guess having a small baby would be like my wearing a size 5 shoe – it would just look weird.  We’ll see how accurate our doc’s guess is.  He didn’t care to make any kind of estimate of when I’ll deliver and still saw no need to do a cervical check.  But out of the 4 pregnant ladies in my world, surely the law of averages will have one of us delivering late.  If you’re keeping score, that’s probably me.  My boss wants me working a reduced schedule because he’s paranoid that I’ll go into labor in the horrible Atlanta traffic and end up giving birth on the side of the road, aided by some greasy-but-good-samaritan trucker.  MKL and our bff both keep reassuring me that it’s coming this weekend, but I don’t buy it.  My belly has definitely dropped, and changes shape every day; but I’m just not convinced that it’s low enough to say we’ll have a baby in the next 4-5 days.   Nor do I really think my labor is going to be fast enough that I’ll go from zero to crowning in the length of a 45-minute commute…though I’ve definitely taken advantage of the “come in late and leave early to avoid the traffic” schedule all the same.

But maybe I’m wrong.  It’s been known to happen.  Maybe we’ll be blessed with our little bundle this weekend.  I have my fingers crossed!  Not literally, though.  Have I mentioned how puffy they are?


The Final Countdown July 21, 2012

Filed under: 3rd Trimester — areyoumymoms @ 9:54 am
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The most recent picture of the belly…large and in charge at 35 weeks!!

15 more days.  360 hours.  But who’s counting?  Oh yeah – everyone.  I’m counting.  MKL is counting.  Our parents and friends are counting.  Even strangers are counting: “How much longer do you have?”  Not much longer.  I guess…

At Monday’s doctor’s appointment, we found out that our doc doesn’t do cervical checks until 39 or 40 weeks.  Most women know by now if they’re starting to dilate or if their cervix is thinning in preparation for labor.  They also are starting to hear from their doctors an estimate of the baby’s size.  Not us.  Our doc explained that cervical checks at this point in pregnancy are not very scientific, and typically just make women paranoid and obsessive about when labor will start.  If I start getting more intense Braxton-Hicks contractions or any kind of pre-labor pains, they’ll check me.  But if things continue to progress normally until my due date, they’ll probably just leave well enough alone.  I get it…if I know I’m 3cm dilated, I’ll think a sneeze could push the baby out, or will be more suspicious of those nagging Braxton-Hicks “practice” contractions.  However, my doc seems to have overlooked the fact that every other ob in our area works differently and I know a lot of pregnant women right now, all of whom seem to report in weekly on their cervical progress.  So now I’m left out of the “race to efface.”

Other women also seem to have baby weight estimates already.  My fundal height (distance between the bottom and top of my uterus) measures accurately for this point in pregnancy.  So no need for an ultrasound.  Great.  Really.  I don’t want to sound ungrateful for that – all we’ve asked for is a healthy pregnancy.  But without another ultrasound, there’s no real way to guess the baby’s size.  MKL’s very scientific estimate: 7-10 lbs.  Again, I understand the logic.  At this point I’m not terribly afraid of labor – I know it’s going to hurt, but I’m trying to stick with the whole “my body was meant to do this” mantra.  So if I know this is a whopper of a baby, maybe the fear will sink in.  And I firmly believe fear of labor will make the whole process longer and more difficult.  Again, I just have to trust our doctors and my body.

By the time you hit 38 weeks’ pregnant, you’ve likely done all the preparing you’re going to do.  I know we have.  I keep thinking there’s something else we can do to occupy our time while we wait for our new arrival, but there’s really not much left.  Everyone says to “savor these last days of just the two of you.”  And we are.  We’re doing all we can to spend quality time together, give extra love to our precious pup, and go out to dinner with friends while we don’t need a sitter.  In the meantime, a friend posted this on facebook, and I am doing all I can to embrace it:


3 Weeks ’til D-Day July 15, 2012

Filed under: 3rd Trimester — areyoumymoms @ 6:01 pm
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Today marks 37 weeks’ pregnant.  That means we’re 3 weeks away from our due date.  The nursery’s done (save a few minor adjustments), our birth plan is written, and according to medical wisdom, this baby is all but ready to come out.  Tomorrow we head to the doctor for the first of our weekly visits, so that the doctor can take a guess at how close we are to going into labor.  Apparently it’s not terribly scientific.  I could be dilated and effaced tomorrow and not give birth for several weeks.  Or I could be closed up like a drum tomorrow and have the baby Tuesday.

People ask if I’m afraid of labor, and while I’m not naive enough to think that I’d like to make a habit of giving birth, I’m not really afraid.  I have a relatively high tolerance for pain; I enjoy being tattooed and have survived a pretty severe bout of meningitis, not to mention 5 seasons of Jersey Shore, so that’s got to say something about my general resolve.   I figure my body was meant to do this, so all I need to do is trick my mind into going out for coffee for several hours and hopefully it will be over before I know it.  Please don’t write to tell me how wrong I am about that theory.  I’m holding onto it for all it’s worth these days.

Now that the preparation is as finished as it’s going to be, there’s nothing left but to wait.  Not knowing the gender has been difficult.  We made the decision early in the process to let it be a surprise, and there are definitely times when I’ve wished we could just ask my belly and get the answer.  But because of the extra anticipation of not knowing what the baby will look like nor whether it will be a boy or girl, it’s giving me something to take my mind off the idea of passing a watermelon.  All I can see is a picture of MKL and me holding our sweet little monkey, and finally putting a face to all the kicks and the months…years, really…of anticipation.



Filed under: 3rd Trimester,Uncategorized — areyoumymoms @ 3:36 pm
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So as it turns out, sleep is really important.  I’ve always been a good sleeper.  My mother has said that I slept through the night early, and while I’ve always been late to go to bed, I’ve also been prone to sleeping in when the schedule allows.  Always, that is, until my sweet little passenger came aboard last November.

At first it was just a general annoyance.  I’d sleep for a few hours and then lay awake the rest of the night, mostly worrying about making it safely through the first trimester.  Then as the baby got bigger, I’d get up to use the bathroom every 2-3 hours, and have a hard time falling back to sleep once I got back in bed.  Now it’s a matter of position.  Nothing is comfortable.  Lying down yields indigestion; sitting up makes my back hurt; and standing results in feet that resemble kayak-sized marshmallows.  And I fear that my body has gotten accustomed to functioning without more than two or three hours of sleep each night, so maybe now it’s just routine.

Don’t get me wrong – I’d still rather deal with all the discomforts of pregnancy – including sleep deprivation – than not be pregnant at all.  As MKL puts it, “it will all be worth it in the end.”  As usual, she’s so sweet.  Every time I sigh heavily, trying to find a position that will work, she kisses me on the forehead and thanks me for going through this so we can have a child.  And for a few seconds, I can picture what our lives will be like in six short weeks.  Then my sweet monkey kicks me in the ribs and makes me switch positions.  Back to mild misery.

A friend of ours who is also pregnant, and a few weeks ahead of us, recently said that she thought she’d never sleep again.  I’m starting to fear that she’s right.  I miss sleeping.  Really.  I love being tired and having heavy eyelids that will undoubtedly slam shut the minute my head hits the pillow.  I love that feeling I get when I wake up all rested and ready to face the day.  I love to snuggle up in bed with MKL on a rainy weekend afternoon and let the sound of the raindrops lull us into a nap.  Recreational sleep is one of my favorite pastimes.  And I miss it so. 

These days as it gets dark outside, I start to get depressed.  I dread the nighttime.  I know that I’ll most likely spend the first hour in bed propped up on pillows, trying to meditate myself into slumber.  It works for about an hour, sometimes even two, if I’m lucky.  Then I’ll have to get up and use the bathroom.  Then I’ll try to lay on my side, sleeping for a few minutes before everything I’ve eaten during the day seems to settle in my throat.  Another trip to the bathroom later, and I’ll try the other side, working hard not to glance at the clock.  Except that I do see the clock and realize the alarm will go off in three hours.  Then the dog barks, desperate to take her place at the foot of our bed, or curious about the sound she thinks she might’ve heard in the back yard (btw, this usually amounts to a bird sneezing a few blocks over, not the dangerous intruder she has signaled).  Sometime between 4:00-6:00AM, I usually take a few laps around the house to try to calm the pains in my lower back and hips.  Then I’m back in the bed for one more propped-up-cat-nap before the alarm goes off and Matt Lauer reminds me that it’s morning.  Damn that Matt Lauer.  And here’s the worst part of it all: my best sleep comes around 7:30AM – just when I should be getting out of bed and starting my day.  I could sleep from 7:30-11:00 if my schedule allowed it.  But apparently no one told my body that this just isn’t feasible.

In case you’re wondering, the baby’s awake through most of this, too…kicking, rolling, punching…as if to let me know that if I can’t sleep no one’s going to.  This makes me worry that the baby won’t be a good sleeper, or will only sleep from 7:30-11:00 every morning.  I know that’s not really the case, but one of the side effects of sleep deprivation is that one’s thoughts lean toward the irrational (like the night I convinced myself the indigestion was some type of heart episode, or the time I thought MKL’s breathing/light snoring pattern had taken on the unmistakable drum part from Queen’s We Will Rock You).  I’m sure that when our little one arrives, he or she will eventually get into a great sleeping routine and I’ll stand at the nursery door, marveling at his or her ability to conk right out whenever the body says to.  I also think “pregnant brain” is not just hormonal, but also a result of pregnant ladies’ lack of sleep.  Sometimes I can barely remember driving home from the office.  Safe, I know.

Everyone says, “It’s just your body helping you to practice for middle-of-the-night feedings!”  Or, “You think you’re tired now, wait ’til the baby comes!”  And I know they’re right.  But all the same, I’d like to tank up on some sleep now so that when the baby comes I’m awake enough to say hello.  So here’s my prayer for the day: Mr Sandman, tonight, please let me sleep…like a baby.


Showered June 23, 2012

Filed under: 3rd Trimester,Pregnancy — areyoumymoms @ 9:59 pm
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It has been an emotional day.  Today my mother and our bff threw us one hell of a party, and our family (biological and chosen) simply showered us.  We’ll never know how to thank the hostesses or the guests.  I am writing this in part to give them as much public love as possible, and in part to hopefully stop myself from crying.

We had asked to have a party – not a traditional baby shower.  No silly shower games, no passing the gifts around, and to have it include all our friends and family of both genders.  What we pictured was a simple brunch at a fabulous local restaurant – mimosas and bloody marys (and a special mocktail for me!), great food, great company.  What my mom and our lucky baby’s godmother gave us was so, so much more.  A room of nearly 50 people gathered to wish us well.  Along with all our local friends and family, MKL’s mother and a close family friend drove up from Florida in an amazing showing of love and support; my cousin and her husband packed up their still-tiny twins and made the 40 minute drive into the city, along with her mother who came in from Florida for the occasion; the minister who married us and his partner came in from an hour outside the city…all for us and our sweet little monkey.  Our all-too-generous florist friend packed the room with gorgeous flowers in the colors of our nursery, along with blocks and stuffed animals as centerpieces.  Guests were asked to add their stamp to a canvas in the colors of our nursery, creating a unique and truly special piece of custom artwork for the room.

Yes, we got great loot.  These folks really know how to buy some presents, and we’re beyond grateful for their efforts to fill our nursery.  What they probably don’t know is how much their presence really meant, and how much it did to fill our hearts.  The room overflowed with laughter and love, and it was written on everyone’s faces.  I kept telling people how overcome I was, and I really meant it.  I’m rarely at a loss for words, but as I saw each person at the party, I realized how much we relied on their prayers and support during the conception process, and how excited I am to have them as part of our child’s life.  All I could say was a ton of “thank yous” and “I love yous.”

Pregnancy hormones are raging, as usual.  I cry a lot these days.  But I’m pretty sure that even if there were no baby in my womb right now, I’d have had a really hard time keeping my eyes dry.  Everyone should experience what we got today.  I wish everyone the opportunity to have their family (biological and chosen) show them how much they are loved.  And I can promise that I will do my best to return their love at every turn from this moment on.


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