15 days before our due date, I declared that we were in the midst of The Final Countdown.
So it has now been 5 days since our due date. I know that most first babies are late, but I had really hoped to beat the odds. Oh well. I’ve been to the doctor twice this week and we’ve determined that if I don’t go into labor naturally before then, I’ll go to the hospital Monday evening for an induction on Tuesday. If by mid-afternoon on Tuesday we don’t have a baby, they’ll do a c-section. Birth plan, schmirth plan.
I’ve been surprised at the number of women who have opinions on induction, and have been grateful to hear all of them so that we can make an informed decision. At first it didn’t occur to me that I would have any resistance to being induced, but the more I read and heard, the more concerned I got. I wasn’t thrilled to read that pitocin can make contractions more intense, nor that it would confine me to the bed. It’s not that I want to complete a triathlon while in labor; I just want to be able to walk around, use a birthing ball, get in the shower, etc., to help manage the pain. Staying in the bed will undoubtedly make things a little more difficult and will probably increase the odds that I’ll have some kind of pain meds or an epidural. After yesterday’s appointment with our favorite doctor and some time on the fetal monitor, we got a lot of our questions answered and I’m a little more comfortable with the process. Having said that, I’m still doing all I can to prompt a natural labor before then.
Today marks my second day of maternity leave. My work family has been extraordinarily supportive throughout the last 9 months. They’ve known MKL and me for a decade or more and are as excited as we are to welcome this baby. While I love them all a lot, I’m ready to take one colleague’s advice and rest for awhile before our lives change forever. And that’s why the drive home from work on Wednesday caught me so by surprise: I cried the whole way home. Hormones? Surely. But there was definitely more to it than that. By later than evening I had figured out what the problem was. I know I’m really good at my job – it’s a bit of a security blanket for me. I’ve been there for 13 years and am usually confident that I can solve any problem or answer any question that comes my way. As I drove home, I realized that I’m about to step into a whole new job. For 3 months (uh…18 years) I’ll be completely out of my comfort zone. What if I’m not good at this job? I can’t put a baby in a spreadsheet, or sell it on breastfeeding with a powerpoint presentation. And it hit me that I’m nervous and scared. Still excited, still unreasonably in love with this child I haven’t met yet. But scared out of my mind.
Scared or not, this baby’s coming soon. If not before then, our little monkey will be here in 4 days. I’ve found that if I focus on that day instead of what happens when we’re home and my new job as a mother begins, the fear goes away and I’m just excited and happy. And ready. Hear that, baby? We’re ready…COME OUT ALREADY!!!