are you my moms?

the musings of yet another lesbian couple on the journey of mother(s)hood

Pregnancy Etiquette & 13 Week Photo January 31, 2012

Filed under: 1st Trimester,Pregnancy — areyoumymoms @ 7:56 pm
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When did it become ok for male acquaintances to ask very specific questions of pregnant women like “do you have any cravings or food aversions?” or “why aren’t you showing yet”  I’m not sure it will ever be ok, at least not with me.  Now that most people have grown accustomed to the idea of their pregnant lesbian friend, they’ve stopped asking questions about the donor or using the phrase “turkey baster.”  Unfortunately this means we’ve moved on to another phase: invasive and awkward questions about the pregnancy itself.

Note that I don’t mind one bit when our friends ask questions, and am likely guilty of over-sharing with all of them.  I also don’t really mind when women who have had babies ask questions.  It’s always comforting to share symptoms with those who have experienced them before.

But if you are either a man or a woman who has never been pregnant (and aren’t a close friend or family member), there are very few things you can say to a pregnant woman that won’t prompt a hormone-driven snarky response, even if it never escapes our lips.  Some of the things you can (and are encouraged to) say:

  • Wow – your thighs look so thin!
  • Has your skin always been so lovely and acne-free?
  • No, you’re not moody at all.  You’re an absolute delight and I think you’re right…about everything.
  • Let’s all have a 3rd cookie!!

A male acquaintance of mine actually told me earlier today that I “need to get [my] waddle on!”  It is important to state that while he was telling me this and asking why there’s still no visible bump, this normally intelligent human being started stroking his imaginary baby belly and waddling back and forth like an idiot.  It is also important to note that I still have 6 more months to go, so there is certainly plenty of time for waddling.  I can assure you all that I will be big as a house by summer.

Moments after this bizarre encounter, I left to meet MKL for our 13-week appointment, where we also did our 1st trimester screening.  The 1st trimester sreening involved a lengthy ultrasound and blood work, followed by a regular visit with our doctor.  The results of the blood work won’t be in for a week, but everything on the ultrasound checked out fine.  No, it was better than fine.  It was amazing.  Back in December when Doc confirmed our pregnancy, I cried when we saw the heartbeat.  But that was nothing compared with hearing it.  Not only did we hear the heartbeat, we got views from all angles, saw all kinds of organs and once again watched while our little monkey squirmed around and did its very special dance just for us (and Sheila the ultrasound tech).  Of course the experience was not without a little humor.  Apparently the monkey is just as stubborn as its moms.  With all its fancy dance moves, it still took Sheila 15 minutes and some impressive twisting of the ultrasound scan to get our sweet thing turned for a proper profile shot.  But it finally posed for the following beauty shot, and we’re absolutely in love.

I'm pretty sure the monkey won't be this blurry at birth...


Early Morning Stream of Consciousness January 15, 2012

Filed under: 1st Trimester,Pregnancy — areyoumymoms @ 8:17 am
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As it turns out, I kinda suck at keeping up with this blog these days.  In the past few weeks I’ve had plans to write posts about New Year’s resolutions, the surprising side effects of pregnancy that you don’t read about much, our first visit to my regular ob-gyn (the fabulous Dr. B), and the fact that our dog seems intent on crawling into my belly.  Since it seems I don’t have the motivation to write any of these posts individually, here’s everything in one long stream of consciousness…who knows when I’ll have the energy to do this again?

First, a resolution.  As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve always struggled with my weight – a topic that typically comes up at the start of the new year, when it seems like everyone around me is talking about getting in shape.  But despite the best efforts of Janet Jackson, Marie Osmond, Jennifer Hudson, and (an unlikely new entry) Charles Barkley, I will not resolve to lose weight this year.  I will remain committed to eating well, though I have somewhat abandoned my former diet of lettuce and water.  Dr. B saw a reduction in the size of my sub-chorionic bleed and gave me the green light to start exercising again – yay!  But I still will not lose weight.  I will happily watch my belly grow, and for the first time in my life, try to let go of the guilt that typically comes with it.  I will also allow myself to eat a piece of office birthday cake and the occasional piece of fried chicken.

Today marks our 11th week of pregnancy.  Just 2 more weeks until the end of the 1st trimester.  14 more days until, as legend has it, my nausea and headaches will turn off like a light switch.  This has now become the most anticipated 2-week-wait yet.  Everyone asks, “how are you feeling?”  After working so hard to get to this point, it seems terribly ungrateful of me to complain about being completely devoid of energy, or the constant queasy feeling, or the blinding headache that seems to come out of nowhere and consistently overstays its welcome.  So I usually just answer: “Pregnant.  I feel pregnant.”  All the books and websites seem to tell me these symptoms are normal.  What I’ve read about less, but is by far the most nagging symptom I’ve had is insomnia.  Since my bar-hopping days are long since over, there is really no reason for me to be awake at 4:00 on a Sunday morning, is there?  Dr. B said I could take the occasional Benadryl or Tylenol PM, and I’m hoping that as I get back into a regular exercise routine, this will just work itself out.  But for now, I’m sleeping about half as much as I did pre-pregnancy.  And it blows.  At least this morning I have had the good sense to get out of bed and do something productive – like pay attention to the blog that has been ignored for the past 3 weeks!

Stella the Protector

I can tell it’s early morning.  Our sweet dog, Stella, got up with me and looked as though she’d curl up at my feet while I typed.  But after a brief trip outside, she yawned, gave a nice long stretch, and thought better of herself.  So she’s back in bed, snoring in adorable unison with MKL.  This kind of pup-free moment is rare for me these days.  Stella has been following me like…well…a puppy.  She cozies up to me on the couch with her head in my lap, sleeps at my feet in the bed, and sniffs my belly.  Constantly.  We’ve started telling her there’s a baby in there; we can even ask her “where’s the baby” and her nose goes straight to my midsection.  It’s pretty cute, and more than a little strange.  Whether it’s the hormonal shift, elevation in my body temperature, or just an innate sense of maternal protection, I know she knows what’s going on.  And I love that she won’t leave my side…in normal waking hours, that is.

Last week we had our first official prenatal visit and 10-week ultrasound.  Dr. B has been MKL’s and my doctor since he operated on her a few years ago.  Every year when I go for my annual check-up, I look around the waiting room and it seems like everyone else is pregnant.  It isn’t true – this is a huge practice and lots of other women are there for non-child-bearing reasons.  But when you desperately want a baby, it seems that every woman around you has what you crave.  I’ve always eyed their bellies with envy, but this time I looked to compare notes.  I felt like a member of some secret club, and it felt good.  Going back to the exam room felt even better.  Dr. B gave us just the news we wanted to hear – everything looks great.  The little monkey is growing just as it should and looks less like a blurry shrimp and more like a baby.  We saw a heartbeat right away.  The harmless, but nonetheless scary, sub-chorionic bleed was healing itself, and I could get back to the gym and even wean off the progesterone supplements.  All of that was enough to make us smile and stare at one another with teary-eyed relief.  And then it happened.  Dr. B said, “Hey – look there.  Movement!”  I had expected to see a heartbeat, and had rather hoped to see a more recognizable baby figure on the monitor, but at no time did I expect to see the monkey’s arm and leg buds wiggle at us!  It may seem naive, but it hadn’t really occurred to me that the monkey was dancing around in there yet.  But now that I’ve seen this sweet little jig, I can’t stop thinking about it.  So here’s the 10-week glamour shot…I only wish it was a video:

The sun is up, the house is stirring, and it’s time to start the day.  Until next time…which I hope won’t be pre-dawn.


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