Tomorrow is the day for round 4 results. I have been sitting at my computer for a while now, trying to figure out how to properly express the anxiety we’ve felt today. I’m not sure I can put it into words, but I’m going to give it a shot. If the words don’t work, just refer to the picture to the left. That should give you a good idea of what we look like today.
In truth, this has been the easiest two weeks we’ve had thus far. I’m not sure if it was the “all in” nature of this round, the Thanksgiving holiday, or the promise of a breather should we not succeed, but we have been amazingly low-key. Neither MKL nor I are willing to make a guess this time. Neither of us has a strong instinct one way or the other, and I’ve long ago learned to ignore any potential “symptom” I may experience during the two week wait. Don’t get me wrong – we still wouldn’t wish the two week wait on anyone. But for some reason we’ve been quicker to smile and think positively than in previous attempts. It’s as though we haven’t really been thinking too much about the wait – just tried to live the life we have instead of putting it on hold to try to start a new one. And then like Cinderella at the ball, the stroke of midnight last night turned our shiny, happy world back into a messy pile of pumpkins, mice, and rags.
Since then we’ve been a couple of basket cases. MKL appears to be trying to release her stress via frequent heavy sighs and the occasional look of terror. She has also been cradling our 40-lb dog on her lap like she’s a 3-lb chihuahua. Some people have security blankets; my wife apparently has a security dog. My anxiety has come out in the form of nervous chatter. Constant chatter. Like an auctioneer. I called my mother to ask her a 5-minute question and hung up 20 minutes later, unsure of whether or not I took a breath during the conversation. I’ve rambled to MKL about everything from the nightmare parking at Atlanta Medical Center (I’m certain I’m not the only person to get stuck in the garage) to the reasons why Neil Patrick Harris should take over for Regis Philbin, and have definitely exceeded my already high average daily word count. Oh, wait. That’s why she keeps sighing…
In keeping with tradition, I haven’t taken any home pregnancy tests. We’re just waiting for the results of the blood test to come in tomorrow. I can’t begin to predict how we’ll feel, regardless of the outcome. In the meantime, all we can do is remain thankful for the life we have and wait for the guru to call. Here’s hoping I run out of things to babble about by then.