Lots of things come in three’s. Little pigs, wise men, amigos, Bee Gees, blind mice, notes in a triad, and of course the best threesome of all:
[It should be noted that I debated on which picture would get the spot above. The billy goats gruff, Marx Brothers, and Witches of Eastwick were all in the running. But then again so were bacon, lettuce, & tomato. Joyce DeWitt’s coked-up-deer-in-headlights-look tipped the scales in their favor, in case you’re wondering.]
Trios don’t just appear in pop culture. Our worlds are full of them: colors in a traffic light; rings in a circus; stop, drop, & roll; value packs of gum; rock, paper, scissors; and the honey badger’s favorite, three bean salad. My mother has 3 brothers. I sneeze in threes. I’m 1 of 3 female children in my generation of my family. The only kind of bike I can ride has 3 wheels (yeah…I said it, and I know I’m not alone). And most important – as of today I’ve had 3 rounds of iui.
I’m hoping our third attempt is all we need. Everyone tells me that they (or their friends, hairdressers, sister-in-law’s real estate agent, etc.) got pregnant on their 3rd or 4th iui. I learned last week that my cousin is pregnant with twins, conceived via their 3rd iui. So here we are at attempt #3. We’ve paid the dues associated with the first 2 tries. I’ve spent the past several months describing this to friends, family, and the blogosphere as a “process” or a “journey.” But the bottom line is that this journey has a finish line – or at the very least, a hard right turn onto the next leg of the trip. And while it’s been a lovely ride thus far, I’m about ready to get there, please. I’ve done my best to remain optimistic, trying to rebound quickly from the negative results, and looking for the silver lining in any little setback. I’ve guarded my heart, viewing each attempt as just another step in the road instead of a real chance at getting pregnant. If I can convince myself that it’s not going to happen this time, it will just be a pleasant surprise when it does. But here’s the thing: none of these little mind games makes it hurt any less when the guru gives us the bad news.
Screw it. I’m going into these next two weeks with my hope on display for all the world to see. I’m publicly declaring that not only do I desperately want to be successful this time, I actually have a really good feeling about it. I’ve thought that letting myself be open like this would crush us even more if it didn’t work. But it can’t possibly make our hearts ache any more than the last two letdowns if this attempt isn’t the one, so why not let ourselves be optimistic? Our house has been a little gray for the past few days. Every time the wind blows, a tuft of Winston’s hair blows through the living room like soft blonde tumbleweed, and one or both of us starts to cry. So if acknowledging the possibility of bringing a baby into our house will lift our spirits, then I’m just going to admit it all. Here goes: I want this one to work. I’ve prayed this one will work. I want to move on to the nesting phase, making our house a welcome place for our new addition but I won’t let us do that until I’m pregnant. Most of all, I want to make it to the final stop and hold our sweet little monkey. My mind, body, and heart are growing tired, and we’ve only just begun. I’m nowhere near ready to give up if this attempt isn’t the one, but I really want to be able to say we got pregnant on the 3rd try. There. I said it. It may sound bratty, but that’s how I feel today. Call me the Veruca Salt of the iui world, but I WANT IT NOW!!!!! (Wow – I actually feel a lot better!)
For those interested in the technical stuff, this round wasn’t any more “normal” than the last two. We triggered on Saturday, cd10. That morning’s ultrasound showed two mature follicles on the left side. We went back on Sunday for iui #1, and the scan showed only one follicle. As usual, my body wasn’t going to follow directions. Awesome. Doc could tell that egg #1 was released from the ovary and was awaiting sperm, so she inseminated yesterday. She then prepared us for the very real idea that the leftover egg might still be around when we returned today. She warned that if it had still been hanging out, we would’ve inseminated today and gone again tomorrow to use the back-up vial on a 3rd insemination, provided egg #2 released tonight. Fortunately, even though I apparently ovulated early on Saturday, I ovulated again yesterday, as egg #2 was gone when doc checked this morning. How’s that for ovaryachieving? In the first two monitored cycles, we couldn’t even tell if I was ovulating at all. And this time I did it twice in 36 hours. Take that!!
So now we start the two week wait for the 3rd time. Thursday I start the 3rd round of progesterone. On Halloween I’ll take my 3rd pregnancy test. And for the next 15 days we’ll be hoping that the 3rd time is the last. Once, twice, three times an iui. If The Commodores didn’t need to go to 4, then neither do we.